I'm back?

Hey everyone! So I've really neglected this blog haven't I? Here's a quick recap of what has happened since 2008:

      I began my studies at Hillsong International Leadership College (HILC) in July 2008 and successfully finished my first year in Dance. I went home to the Dominican for 6 months, waiting for 2nd year dance to become available. In 2009 I travelled back to Australia to do my 2nd year in dance and ended up staying for a 3rd year of Pastoral Leadership (which was not the original plan).

     Now that I have finished 3 years at HILC, I have discovered that I have a passion for stage managing and theatre production (due to my 2nd year classes and my third year internship with Emily Crawford, the principal of the Hillsong Performing Arts Academy). Because of this, I will be commencing my bachelor's in dramatic arts production at Wesley Institute in Sydney, Australia.

     I finished College a few weeks ago, and am now in the Dominican for the Christmas Holidays. During my time here I will be organizing a dance show with some local choreographers and my parents production company (Producciones Ella y El) in order to raise money for my tuition. It's gonna be off da chain!!! and you can read all about it here . Fair warning though, it's in spanish ;)

And well that's what's happening :P

Good to be back!

 

    And this is my baby :) He's happy I'm back :P

- Cheizi

I've been branded!

I voted in the presidential elections for the first time today :)

I'm so proud of me :D

my father went with me, and it went rather quickly. there were no lines because most people vote in the morning because they have the rest of the day off. But I went a few minutes ago.

I have employed my right as a Dominican Ciziten! and I have a branded finger to prove it. I heard it won't go away for a while....oh well. I'll proudly proclaim my role in the democratic system! ;)

"Go on, go forth. I'm making this possible for you."

I honestly can’t believe this is real some times. I’m sitting here, with my plane ticket reservations in my hands, and it’s all coming to life. God is so amazing. He took a dream that I kept in my heart since I was a little girl. Though it seemed small and maybe never really possible in my head, God decided to take my dream in His hands and make it bloom into so much more than I could ever imagine. This is probably the biggest dream of my life (so far :P) and God is revealing it before me saying “Go on, Go forth, I’m making this possible for you, and I will be with you every step of the way.” I sit here as I write wiping away tears of extreme gratitude and joy.

I remember being a depressed child. To be honest, I never really was a child, but we won’t get into that now. I don’t even remember how, when, where or why, one day I decided that someday I would go to Australia. Maybe because it seemed so far away, or like a land of new opportunities, or maybe just a crazy, wild, and silly dream for a strange little girl. I never really knew why I wanted to go, or what I wanted to do there, but I knew, somehow, in my tiny heart, that that’s what I wanted. I can’t explain to you why I never wondered these things, simply because it was just something in my heart. Something I could not fight, and it remained in me through all my years of torment and sorrow.

As I grew, and my future started creeping up on me, I still knew that I would find myself in Australia someday. I will never forget a day in 8th grade where a girl named Paola asked me where I wanted to study and I said “Australia!” She looked at me with wild eyes and a half smile, “Where? What?” she asked. “I have no idea!” I said. She sort of giggled and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Australia too. It just seems cool.” “I agree. I’ve been wanting to go since I was a little girl,” I responded. I don’t know whatever happened to Paola; maybe I should try getting in touch with her again. Either way, that is a small conversation that will never leave me.

God soon began to change my life, once I decided to let Him in. I will never forget the day that I walked to Mireya’s house (she was my school counselor at the time, she was the one who invited me to church for the first time and pretty soon afterwards I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour), she was rather busy, and I used to bug her a lot. But this one day I walked in and there was a song playing on her radio. “Now that You’re Near” by Hillsong Music Australia. I cannot describe what I felt when I first heard this amazing song. It’s like it filled my ears and sank directly into my heart. I ran home and downloaded it right away! (Sorry Hillsong! But I did buy the DVD, and practically every live album and DVD since then :P)

I will never EVER forget this day. I was sitting in my room, wondering about my future and things like that. I wanted to decide once and for all what I wanted to work towards. During this stage in my life dancing had dimmed down, I had no dreams or goals or aspirations, I was sinking into a deep depression. I wanted to find this college catalog that I had borrowed from my school’s library and look at some of the classes in it. Wheaton College I think it was. Anyway, as I was reaching for the catalog, something fell off of the shelf. I looked down to see what it was and it was my “Hope” live album from Hillsong. The CD booklet had fallen out and fell open to the page where it talked about Hillsong College. I focused my eyes on it for a second and just screamed! Hillsong had a college???? I didn’t know! I quickly ran to my computer and typed www.hillsong.com/college. Oh my goodness, how I fell in love! I cried as I saw my dream college, IN AUSTRALIA, waiting for me.

Since that day my life has had some MAJOR flips and dips and summersaults. No need to get into that now, I’d probably never finish writing. My dream of Hillsong was shining bright, up until I decided that it was too big of a dream for me. Australia was so far away, the college was small so there were slim chances of me getting in, it costs a lot of money, and it just seemed impossible. So I decided to let go it, and any other dreams for that matter. This was probably one of the most devastating moments of my life. I had hit my lowest low, and now the only way out was up. God rescued me from the deepest darkest pit, and He set my feel up on a steady rock. The rock of His salvation.

Soon, the dream of Hillsong began making it’s way towards my heart again. I couldn’t let go of something I had nourished like this. I still could not explain the longings as a child that I had to go to Australia, and now it seemed like there were more pieces to the puzzle. But one day, something inside of me said no. I will not work towards this. Hillsong is the BIGGEST dream I’ve ever had, how DEVESTATED will I be if I don’t get it? I’m not God; I don’t know what’s in store for me. What if this isn’t it? I want this so badly, and if I do something like apply and then not get in, I’ll be crushed, destroyed! I don’t want to feel like that ever again, I’ve turned over a new leaf and I don’t want an opportunity to sink again. Yet again I decided to let go of the biggest dream I’ve ever had. I looked at another college in Michigan, then another in Florida. It seemed that with every day my dreams kept getting smaller and smaller. I was suppressing the Cheizi that was inside of me, wanting to burst out and scream because I was afraid she’d be knocked down. I kept my biggest dream, my biggest aspiration, under tight wraps hoping that someday it would stop hurting and just disappear.

One day I was sitting with my best friend Brittany (hi Brittany!) talking about this college I was looking at in Florida. It looked PERFECT. I asked Brittany “What do you think?” and she sort of gave me a “it’s cool, but not really,” answer. I was wondering why she didn’t seem as enthusiastic, so I asked her. “Because,” she answered, “it’s not you. You had the biggest dream ever and that was Australia and now it’s gone down to something so small and it’s just not you.” I’ll be honest, at first I wanted to rip her head off. I was so angry that my best friend didn’t want to be supportive. After some tears and girly emotions, I cooled down a bit. I prayed to God and He helped opened my eyes. I realized that she was right. How did I let that happen? When did I stop shooting for the stars and settling for glitter? Did I really believe that God wasn’t capable of taking my biggest dream and making it a reality? It was time to decide. Was I going to settle for comfort, of go towards something so big, so great, so awesome, that ONLY God would EVER make it possible? I’m sure we all know what I decided.

I sent in my application. With lots of prayer, and LOTS of waiting, and some more prayer, I finally got my acceptance letter. I cried like a banshee! No words can express the feeling in my heart when I read the word “Congratulations!”. I wanted to get down on my knees and thank my God for making this happen. You have no idea what it’s like to watch the biggest dream you’ve ever had come true before your eyes, and if you do, doesn’t it feel great?

My plane tickets are purchased. Right now I’m waiting on my student visa. But God has been so faithful so far, and I’m going to keep believing that this is what He wants for me and He’s going to make it happen. There are still going to be moments where I’ll need to rely solely on Him. Even now, waiting for my Visa, I have to trust completely in Him because I need my passport back ASAP to renew my American Visa. But I’m believing and I’m trusting. Soon that day will come where I’ll have to get on a plane, say goodbye to all the people I love and that I’m leaving behind (for a while anyway), and embark on one of the biggest journeys God has in store for me. My life is barely beginning and already God has me going above and beyond things I never thought possible.

The moral of the story? Don’t give up on your dreams. If there is something inside of you, something you can’t ignore, something you’ve longed for since before you can remember, DON’T fight it. That’s something that God has put inside you for a reason. Shoot for the stars, step out in faith! God is there, He won’t let you fall. Remember, he knows your heart. He has GREAT plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a FUTURE. Delight in Him, and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Stay focused, don’t let the things of this world, or even some things in yourself, pull you away from the wonderful things God has in store for you. And if a dream or a goal seems too out there or too big, remember, God is WAY bigger than that. He is AWESOME.

-Cheizi


1 Clap your hands, all you nations;
shout to God with cries of joy.
2 How awesome is the LORD Most High,
the great King over all the earth!
Psalm 47:1-2

Morning by morning, Your Mercy awakens my soul

Yes. If it wasn't for God, I would not get out of bed.

It's so wonderful how we can find God in the tiniest of details. How do we let moments like that slip us by so quickly? how DARE we not even look up for a tiny second to realize that God is RIGHT THERE in whatever we're doing, in whatever else we're investing our attention on?

Friday I thought I was supose to have a session with my therapist. I really had a lot of things to tell her. So many things on my mind, I've been stepping in shaky grounds lately. (I am learning the TRUE meaning of Psalm 40:2 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.") But alas, that did not happen. The phone never rang to comfirm my appointment, and I was left the whole weekend with topics and rants bubbling up inside of me and no form of release.
Last week, I decided that it was time to stop everything and make sure that God is #1 in my life. I made a list of my priorities and checked if all was going smooth. It was not. There were so many weak points, things I should be doing that I'm not, things that I shouldn't be doing but I am. Looking down at that list made me feel so unorganized, so unprepared. "No more," I said, "First things first. God MUST be my top priority. God MUST be my #1. When He is, this list will start organzing itself simply because God is a God of order."
Of course, we all know what happens when we decide to seek after God FULL FORCE. Satan starts wanting to get his tail in, to trip you, to stop you. Oh boy, these past few days have been TORTURE. First, I noticed myself falling into and old pattern that took too much time and too much effort to break. Then, a whole bunch of stress started infiltrating my schedule. And last but not least, everyone seems to be mad at me for some reason or other. I'm not stupid. I KNOW that when I decide to take up my shield and run into battle, the adversiery will be alert, and attack. I MUST be strategic. I will NOT allow anger, frustration, and bitter desperation to hinder my walk with God.
I've never really been an angry person, but lately it seems so easy to get pissed off and just be ANGRY. Angry is such an easy emotion, and makes you put other true feelings (or things you need to work through) up on the shelf. No wonder so many people resort to living a bitter life. It's easy, it's simple, it avoids pain, it allows survival. Kill or be killed, right? But how much can you take before you ultimately self destruct? The bible says that it's okay to be angry (Ephesians 4:26) but that in that anger we must NOT allow room for sin WHATSOEVER. Yes, anger is a legitimate reaction to stress, to attacks, to pain, to the thought of ultimately unraveling, but it is NOT a legitimtae excuse to blame the world and shield yourself from it. I know what it's like to be angry with God. It's no picnic. You feel so incredibly stupid for even THINKING about being angry at the almighty sovereign ruler of all, and your only hope. But in my anger, even in this anger that I feel RIGHT NOW, I run to Him. I'm begining to understand that there is no one else for me. None but Jesus. In my anger I won't sin. I REFUSE to sin.
Today I realized that all weekend I barely picked up my bible. Not to mention I skipped church on Sunday to sleep in. Still God saw it fit to speak to me. He told me of something He wants desperately to inspire me with, and how I've been putting it off. He spoke to me of the wonderful revival He wants to start in my youth group and how He wants me to be a part of it. He taught me of frienship and love and patience. He even allowed me to cry bitter, angry tears in his presence for hours yesterday. Can you believe that after crying about being lost and confused, after yelling SCREAMING at God that I feel like I'm coming apart, like I'm coming undone, He DARED to bless me with His presence? He came into my room and I just cried in His presence. I cried tears I had fought for so long. I spoke truths I thought I could hide in the depths of my heart. I have no words to explain what happened next. He just let me cry, and then He gave me peace. I closed my eyes and it's like I could feel him calming me down. Pretty soon I feel asleep, and I just rested in His presence.
I woke up with swollen eyes and a heart that felt hollow. I had dumped it all on God, and he listened, He let me know He cares. I got up, washed my face, and went on with the rest of my day.
Today I decided to spend some time with God after waking up. I basicaly delighted myself in Him. The phone rang and it was from my therapists office, I have an appointment today at 2. (Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4)

God is getting ready to do some amazing, miraculous, mind-blowing, breath-taking things in my life, and I know it.
Satan is getting ready to do all he can to knock me off course.
But we both now that this battle has already been won.
I WILL walk away victoriously, because I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
and there is NOTHING impossible for God.

-Cheizi

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I GOT ACCEPTED!

That's right ladies and gentlemen (...er...Brittany...) I am going to Hillsong International Leadership College!

It's so exciting. It's also quite terrifying.

I've neglected this journal.

Did I mention...

how much waiting sucks? I believe I have.

I'm still waiting if you haven't noticed. But that's only because there was something missing from my application and I just sent it in today. The wireles isn't working and hasn't been working for a few days now, I don't know why. I'm using my parent's computer that has an EDGE connection. It's incredibly slow...but it's something :) (remembering the good ole dial-up days...)

I am ill with a staph infection. But it's not that bad, I'm doing quite well actually. Currently I am studying for an American Government final I have in about an hour.

I feel rather boring right now...I don't like that feeling.

Let's dig a little deeper, shall we?
I'm a little bit upset right now. I feel I don't really know where I'm headed. God knows everything, where I am going, who I am going to be...I got nothing. I'm so blind to everything it's scary sometimes. I do trust God, and I believe that's the only reason I haven't driven myself insane. I just wish I could get a glimpse, of something, ANYTHING really. I love what God has done in my life, all the things He set me free from and all the miracles He's done. But God wants to do something RIGHT NOW. TODAY! I just wish I knew what it was...*le sigh*

21Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the LORD will do great things.
Joel 2:21 (King James Version)

Waiting sucks

so here's the deal:

Pastor Ralph was suppose to send out the pastoral reference form when he was in New York 3 weeks ago. But for some reason there were NO STAMPS ANYWHERE. How that's possible? I have no idea. Anyway, he left it with his brother's secretary to be sent out last monday. Of course, what just HAD to happen? Secretary left it for the last minute, and when it was time to sent it out...it was nowhere to be found. MISPLACED. :O But pastor Ralph was quite the responsible fellow and he print out the form AGAIN, filled it out AGAIN, and sent it from here through a mail company. It should be arriving in Australia between yesterday and next tuesday. *phew*

It's all good now. But now I have to wait. Even more. I was talking to pastor Ralph yesterday about this whole "application process". I was just wondering if I should be sure of what God has planned for me concerning this. Should I start planning expecting a yes? Or should I brace myself for a no? I guess this is where faith starts taking its place. From what I have seen, God does want me at Hillsong. But I have to remember that I'm human and the only one who can see the finale of this is God, NOT me.

So what now?

I wait.

and wait.

and pray.

and believe.

and wait.

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1