"Go on, go forth. I'm making this possible for you."

I honestly can’t believe this is real some times. I’m sitting here, with my plane ticket reservations in my hands, and it’s all coming to life. God is so amazing. He took a dream that I kept in my heart since I was a little girl. Though it seemed small and maybe never really possible in my head, God decided to take my dream in His hands and make it bloom into so much more than I could ever imagine. This is probably the biggest dream of my life (so far :P) and God is revealing it before me saying “Go on, Go forth, I’m making this possible for you, and I will be with you every step of the way.” I sit here as I write wiping away tears of extreme gratitude and joy.

I remember being a depressed child. To be honest, I never really was a child, but we won’t get into that now. I don’t even remember how, when, where or why, one day I decided that someday I would go to Australia. Maybe because it seemed so far away, or like a land of new opportunities, or maybe just a crazy, wild, and silly dream for a strange little girl. I never really knew why I wanted to go, or what I wanted to do there, but I knew, somehow, in my tiny heart, that that’s what I wanted. I can’t explain to you why I never wondered these things, simply because it was just something in my heart. Something I could not fight, and it remained in me through all my years of torment and sorrow.

As I grew, and my future started creeping up on me, I still knew that I would find myself in Australia someday. I will never forget a day in 8th grade where a girl named Paola asked me where I wanted to study and I said “Australia!” She looked at me with wild eyes and a half smile, “Where? What?” she asked. “I have no idea!” I said. She sort of giggled and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Australia too. It just seems cool.” “I agree. I’ve been wanting to go since I was a little girl,” I responded. I don’t know whatever happened to Paola; maybe I should try getting in touch with her again. Either way, that is a small conversation that will never leave me.

God soon began to change my life, once I decided to let Him in. I will never forget the day that I walked to Mireya’s house (she was my school counselor at the time, she was the one who invited me to church for the first time and pretty soon afterwards I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour), she was rather busy, and I used to bug her a lot. But this one day I walked in and there was a song playing on her radio. “Now that You’re Near” by Hillsong Music Australia. I cannot describe what I felt when I first heard this amazing song. It’s like it filled my ears and sank directly into my heart. I ran home and downloaded it right away! (Sorry Hillsong! But I did buy the DVD, and practically every live album and DVD since then :P)

I will never EVER forget this day. I was sitting in my room, wondering about my future and things like that. I wanted to decide once and for all what I wanted to work towards. During this stage in my life dancing had dimmed down, I had no dreams or goals or aspirations, I was sinking into a deep depression. I wanted to find this college catalog that I had borrowed from my school’s library and look at some of the classes in it. Wheaton College I think it was. Anyway, as I was reaching for the catalog, something fell off of the shelf. I looked down to see what it was and it was my “Hope” live album from Hillsong. The CD booklet had fallen out and fell open to the page where it talked about Hillsong College. I focused my eyes on it for a second and just screamed! Hillsong had a college???? I didn’t know! I quickly ran to my computer and typed www.hillsong.com/college. Oh my goodness, how I fell in love! I cried as I saw my dream college, IN AUSTRALIA, waiting for me.

Since that day my life has had some MAJOR flips and dips and summersaults. No need to get into that now, I’d probably never finish writing. My dream of Hillsong was shining bright, up until I decided that it was too big of a dream for me. Australia was so far away, the college was small so there were slim chances of me getting in, it costs a lot of money, and it just seemed impossible. So I decided to let go it, and any other dreams for that matter. This was probably one of the most devastating moments of my life. I had hit my lowest low, and now the only way out was up. God rescued me from the deepest darkest pit, and He set my feel up on a steady rock. The rock of His salvation.

Soon, the dream of Hillsong began making it’s way towards my heart again. I couldn’t let go of something I had nourished like this. I still could not explain the longings as a child that I had to go to Australia, and now it seemed like there were more pieces to the puzzle. But one day, something inside of me said no. I will not work towards this. Hillsong is the BIGGEST dream I’ve ever had, how DEVESTATED will I be if I don’t get it? I’m not God; I don’t know what’s in store for me. What if this isn’t it? I want this so badly, and if I do something like apply and then not get in, I’ll be crushed, destroyed! I don’t want to feel like that ever again, I’ve turned over a new leaf and I don’t want an opportunity to sink again. Yet again I decided to let go of the biggest dream I’ve ever had. I looked at another college in Michigan, then another in Florida. It seemed that with every day my dreams kept getting smaller and smaller. I was suppressing the Cheizi that was inside of me, wanting to burst out and scream because I was afraid she’d be knocked down. I kept my biggest dream, my biggest aspiration, under tight wraps hoping that someday it would stop hurting and just disappear.

One day I was sitting with my best friend Brittany (hi Brittany!) talking about this college I was looking at in Florida. It looked PERFECT. I asked Brittany “What do you think?” and she sort of gave me a “it’s cool, but not really,” answer. I was wondering why she didn’t seem as enthusiastic, so I asked her. “Because,” she answered, “it’s not you. You had the biggest dream ever and that was Australia and now it’s gone down to something so small and it’s just not you.” I’ll be honest, at first I wanted to rip her head off. I was so angry that my best friend didn’t want to be supportive. After some tears and girly emotions, I cooled down a bit. I prayed to God and He helped opened my eyes. I realized that she was right. How did I let that happen? When did I stop shooting for the stars and settling for glitter? Did I really believe that God wasn’t capable of taking my biggest dream and making it a reality? It was time to decide. Was I going to settle for comfort, of go towards something so big, so great, so awesome, that ONLY God would EVER make it possible? I’m sure we all know what I decided.

I sent in my application. With lots of prayer, and LOTS of waiting, and some more prayer, I finally got my acceptance letter. I cried like a banshee! No words can express the feeling in my heart when I read the word “Congratulations!”. I wanted to get down on my knees and thank my God for making this happen. You have no idea what it’s like to watch the biggest dream you’ve ever had come true before your eyes, and if you do, doesn’t it feel great?

My plane tickets are purchased. Right now I’m waiting on my student visa. But God has been so faithful so far, and I’m going to keep believing that this is what He wants for me and He’s going to make it happen. There are still going to be moments where I’ll need to rely solely on Him. Even now, waiting for my Visa, I have to trust completely in Him because I need my passport back ASAP to renew my American Visa. But I’m believing and I’m trusting. Soon that day will come where I’ll have to get on a plane, say goodbye to all the people I love and that I’m leaving behind (for a while anyway), and embark on one of the biggest journeys God has in store for me. My life is barely beginning and already God has me going above and beyond things I never thought possible.

The moral of the story? Don’t give up on your dreams. If there is something inside of you, something you can’t ignore, something you’ve longed for since before you can remember, DON’T fight it. That’s something that God has put inside you for a reason. Shoot for the stars, step out in faith! God is there, He won’t let you fall. Remember, he knows your heart. He has GREAT plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a FUTURE. Delight in Him, and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Stay focused, don’t let the things of this world, or even some things in yourself, pull you away from the wonderful things God has in store for you. And if a dream or a goal seems too out there or too big, remember, God is WAY bigger than that. He is AWESOME.

-Cheizi


1 Clap your hands, all you nations;
shout to God with cries of joy.
2 How awesome is the LORD Most High,
the great King over all the earth!
Psalm 47:1-2